Yankees purchase Dominican Republic

In a revolutionary move, the New York Yankees bought the nation of the Dominican Republic in order to tap into a secure a source of talent for the big league club. After the United States, no other country has produced more major leaguers. Team sources indicated that most of the Dominican talent would be traded to obtain more established players, as the Yankees prefer to buy superstars (and sign them to exhorbiant extentions in their declining years) rather than actually trust rookies and young players.
“I see the names of Albert Pujols, Jose Reyes, Juan Marichal, David ‘Big Papi’ Ortiz, and lots more,” said co-owner Hank Steinbrenner, “and I envision trading them while young for already great, aging players.” Once they establish themselves with other teams, Steinbrenner indicated they’d be open to trading back for them or signing them as free agents. “Absolutely,” nodded Steinbrenner, when posed the question. “We’re happy to pay for a players declining years instead of getting them in their prime. Payroll bloat is not an issue.”
The team has said it will continue to overpay for players in free agency as well, saying that it was ‘great’ to have players like Carl Pavano and Jason Giambi on the roster.
The price of the transaction was rumored to be around ‘$1 billion’ according to sources close to the deal.
“Now really are the Evil Empire,” quipped Steinbrenner.
The Dominican Republic is a nation on the island of Hispaniola, part of the Greater Antilles archipelago. The western third of the island is occupied by the nation of Haiti. With a population of just under 10 million, each island inhabitant will get about $10, as well as a free three-month trial preview of the Yankees’ YES baseball network.
The Yankees also announced the team patriarch, George Steinbrenner, will be installed as king of the nation sometime later this year. The name ‘Dominican Republic’ will not be retained with the establishment of the monarchy.








